Monday, November 30, 2009

slightly fixated...

I am so bored of being fixated with things that don't matter. The main thing I am talking about is my weight. I'm so sick of it. It's tiring to always be worried about it and always worry about not eating too much and eating the right things and making sure I exercise enough and blah blah blah... I am going to make a bold statement, not because I am self centered but because I believe women need to change their perspectives, and I honestly feel that every woman should be able to boldly declare this about themselves: I look great!! And know what? I do! I am the same size I was when I was 15--- 15!!!! I was bigger at 16 than I am now! And I wasn't fat at age 16. I was fairly slender. So why the fixation? I am completely clueless. I think I have been fixated and obsessed to some degree or another since I was 12. And I'm not talking about eating disorders, luckily I have always been able to keep myself out of those (though there have been a few times that have been close). That's a tiring thing to be obsessed with for over a decade! Feeling the pressure and desire to achieve perfection.
It dawned on me recently that there is no perfection physically. It all has to come from within. You cannot ever achieve perfection with yourself physically until you learn to love yourself. You have to reach a point mentally where you feel good about yourself. I believe that in order to reach that point, you need a few key elements. One is that you need to be physically active. I'm not saying go kill yourself at the gym (unless you like that sort of thing) find something you like to do that's active and go do it. I always feel better about myself on days when I am physically active. I think you also need to be at a point where you are eating well. Eating well is different for everyone, but there are a few key factors, one of them being at a point when you know enough is enough and not overeat. Think about how you feel after you overeat- not good, huh? And the other is moderation in all things. I'm not saying you have to have 3-5 servings of vegetables each day to love yourself. I'm also not saying stay away from that cheesecake or french fries. All I'm saying is moderation in all things. Don't eat the cheesecake or french fries too often, but still eat them, if that's what you want.
OK, so I think I've figured out these few keys to be at a point where you can just feel good in general. But I feel like there is still more that needs to be done from within. You need to reach a point where these things happen, not because you stress about them, but because it's part of your life.
One time I was talking to a friend about his future career and he told me that he wanted enough money that he didn't have to worry about it and be stressed about it, but not be at the point where he always wanted more materialistic possessions, and felt like he had to "Keep up with Joneses"

I think that trying to achieve this physical perfection and satisfaction is a form of 'keeping of with the joneses' and I want to achieve this middle ground he spoke of!
I feel very strongly that our Heavenly Father loves us no matter what. I also feel like He wants us to love ourselves. We can do a lot better serving others and the Lord if we first learn to love ourselves. I also feel that He wants us to be healthy and strong, but not obsess over it or worry about it too much. I think He wants us to be able to find that middle ground where we are healthy, but not worrying about it too much. He doesn't care if we have love handles or stretch marks or big hips or cankles! He wants us to be healthy and happy, and sometimes some of those things I mentioned do come along with being in good health!
Another point I would like to make is that I think the Lord wants us to be able to give our children a healthy outlook on life. Our poor little daughters (and sons too, though maybe not as much) receive so much pressure from outside sources that they don't need that in the home too. I think about how I don't want Samantha to feel at an even younger age than 12 that she has to be thin! She doesn't need to see her mother standing in front of a mirror pulling on the fat on her legs and complaining about her weight. She needs a mother who will simply be a good example of not overeating and staying active. Not a mother who pressures her and tells her she is eating too much and needs to exercise. I'd like to add that on the other hand that He doesn't want us to be obese and either.

Anyway this has kind of been on my mind a lot lately. And I feel that recently too many of my thoughts and conversations are about being healthy and losing weight, etc. And I think it has become degrading. I'm so tired and bored with this obsession. It isn't healthy (ironic that I'm fixated with health and it isn't healthy.. yeah) and I want to stop. I'm not claiming that I'm suddenly going to stop and become perfect at it, but I am going to start trying. I want to focus my energies on something more positive.
OK, for all of you who made it to the end of this really long post please say aloud with me "I am smokin' HOTT!!!"


Charles and Nancy said...

Nicole, all I have to say is that you are awesome! I know exactly how you feel, the bad part about it is that I am pregnant and feel like I need to stay Soo in shape. I seriously have to tell myself that there will be a time when I can go back to a more rigorous workout. Not to get back in shape but because I enjoy working out and to stay healthy.

You have inspired me to start loving the changes my body is going through again during this pregnancy. I really have a hard time with my self image during pregnancy even though I know how important it is to gain a certain amount of weight and to keep myself and the baby healthy. But I am going to try to feel beautiful for the rest of pregnancy, even after gaining 25+ pounds and feeling like a whale. I'm going to be a smokin' whale!

Thanks Nicole for this post, it's really what I needed today! (sorry that comment was so long, I hope it made sense)

Rebecca & Jeff said...

Thanks for posting this! It is so true and I agree it is especially hard as women. And i have been meaning to tell you, you really do look great!! I would never in a million years guess you had a child! You look amazing! And I have been having a hard time with this after having Parker. I thought losing the weight would be so easy and it certainly is not! So great post and you really are smokin Hot!!

Briana said...

I am soooo grateful for you. This post is just one more of the recent things in my life that is helping me keep perspective. Sometimes I look at you and Ariel and I can't help thinking I don't fit in with my sisters because they both of you are so thin and I'm not. But recently I've come to realize there are some things that matter a lot more than how you look like how you treat your friends and family, who you spend your time with, and educating yourself on anything.

I don't particularly like the term "hot" but I'll say it with you. I'm smoking hott!! Thanks for your shining example to me in everything you do. I'm glad that I got to spend Thanksgiving with you and I'm so excited for Christmas with you guys!!

Matt and Mari said...

you ARE smoking hot!!!

Katrina said...

You know ... I read this post from you and I have to tell you that I am honestly surprised! Not that you think about this stuff at all...but because you are SO thin!! :) Everytime I see you, I honestly think "She is so in shape and so skinny! I wish I had enough motivation to work out and do as much as she does!" So, I want you to know that you are right. you should think you are Hott and Heavenly Father does think you are wonderful! :) as do many of us around you too!

Also...I love the new look to your blog! How did you get that font?! I want something funner for mine! :) I'm just not sure what the easiest way is to do that!

Thanks for letting us come play today! I like getting together with other people...being home is so boring sometimes! ;)