Tuesday, September 28, 2010

weight weight weight

My drawers were getting too cramped as I've expanded and have had to wear more and more maternity clothes, so this morning I decided to go through and take out all my "normal" clothes. I looked longingly at all my cute little t-shirts... all size s and xs... and thought about how much work it took to get to where I wanted to be, and how much harder everyone says it is after baby #2.
If I let myself think about it too much, I get really stressed out about it. I want to look like what I looked like before, but looking back I think I spent WAY too much time worried about it. I'm definitely one of those people that is very conscientious about my appearance, and even when most of my small t-shirts were a little on the big side for 4 or 5 months there I still thought I needed to be smaller. And that's not actually the size I'm aiming for next time, I had low blood pressure issues when I was that size, and I HATE low blood pressure issues (I get them when I'm pregnant too, not fun).
I don't know, I just struggle with thoughts of finding the balance. I want to be healthy, both physically and mentally when it comes to my weight. I get frustrated looking back because I just think that I should have been content with where I was at when I looked great, and FELT great. Jacob always tell me not to go back to how I was when I was at my smallest, because he LOVES my curves, and they were pretty much gone.
Basically I want to look great and be healthy, but I don't want to be thinking about it very much. I just want to FEEL good. I want to look in the mirror and not criticize my body and just be satisfied that I'm keeping myself healthy and feel healthy and know that I am healthy and have that be enough, no matter what I look like on the outside. (granted if I'm TRULY keeping myself healthy, it can't look that bad on the outside:))

Thursday, September 16, 2010

It's A......

BOY!! Weird! My instincts were right, we're having a little boy! What am I going to do with a boy?? I don't know how to be a mom to a boy, haha!

The thing I'm dreading most... Finding a NAME I like. That's right. A NAME. Easy? No. We had the PERFECT girl name picked out, so of course, we are having a boy, haha.

SO if there are any J names you like.. let me know!! (because of family tradition his name has to start with a J) Obviously 80s names are out... You know, Jeremy, Jeffery, Jared, etc. I'm not naming him Jamal... oh and nothing that ends in "iah". And Jackson is out cause every Mormon kid and their dog is named Jackson. (at least in Provo).

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Homemade Liquid Laundry Soap

I have been using/making homemade liquid laundry soap for about 9-10 months now, and I've only spent about $6 on the soap I've used up to this point. I normally would have spent about $40-50 in this amount of time. I was wondering to myself why I haven't shared it with all my blogging friends yet! Selfish, selfish!

My friends Hilary and Mari got me started on the stuff, and it really has worked very well!! sometimes I still run a load of whites with some Tide to brighten them up, but other than that, I use this for everything!


I bar fels naptha soap, grated

1 cup arm and hammer washing soda

1 cup borax

2 1/2 -5 gallons of hot tap water (I'll explain the difference later)

You will need a 5 gallon bucket and something to put your detergent in- I use saved juice containers (the large ones) and old liquid detergent containers, but you can use anything.

Heat up a pot of 8 c. water (don't bring it to a boil!- also anywhere from 4-16 cups works, just make sure you know how much you use!). Dump in your grated fels naptha soap and wait for it to dissolve, stirring occasionally, if desired. Dump into a 5 gallon bucket and add borax and washing soda. Make sure both are dissolved and add your water. If you go with 5 gallons just fill up your whole bucket, don't worry about measuring. If you do less than 5 gallons, there are 16 cups in a gallon. Stir a bit to make sure it's mixed. then, using a funnel and something to scoop with (I use a 4 cup liquid measuring cup) put your detergent into your containers.

NOW: to explain the difference in amount of water used. Helen, a friend of mine, has 7 boys ages 2-16, I believe. She uses the 5 gallon recipe and puts in roughly 5/8 cup detergent to each load. I imagine with boys (though hers seem pretty clean) the clothes are sometimes nice and dirty, and she has no complaints about her soap not working. Hilary uses the 2 1/2 gallon recipe and uses 1/2 cup unless the load is really dirty, when she uses 1 cup. So they've been using about the same amount of soap with very different concentrations. Last night when I made my soap I decided to meet in the middle and used 3 1/2 gallons (56 cups total) of water and plan on using 1/2 cup unless super dirty. I'll let you guys know if I think I need to use a little more.

This recipe costs about $1.50- $2.00 to make, depending where you get your ingredients! NOTE: the Orem wal-mart doesn't have the ingredients! I'm still trying to figure out the best place to buy ingredients, but it's hard to remember to look when I'm out and about. Buy Low has everything you need, but it's probably more like $2-$2.10 from there.

If you want to make some with me, or have me help you, just let me know- I'd really love to get together! :)

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Update on our lives

NOTE: 4 new posts today

It's been forever since I posted anything about what's beeing going on in our supremely exciting lives.
So here I am. posting. with nothing to say.
We went to California for Ariel's wedding (Jacob's baby sister) see post below
We went to Idaho for a fun weekend before school gets to busy- see post below
I've been being pregnant- see post below.

Things have been going well. Jacob just started school 2 weeks ago. He is taking 18 credits this semester, keeping super busy! But life is good. I love him so much. I love staying up late just talking and laughing with him. He truly is my very best friend, and I'm glad that after over 3 years together and 1 1/2 kids we still enjoy each other's company so much. I love that we can just have fun together! And I love that we both enjoy going out and doing things together. Jacob is such a hard worker and I'm so proud of how well he's been doing in school!

Samantha is SOO big (okay, so she's a little on the petite side for her age, but you know what I mean!!!) she is so smart. She understands almost anything we say to her. She has become really good at "using her words" rather than screaming. Or I guess more when we get her to stop screaming she's good at using them, haha. She's a sweet heart and LOVES to snuggle. Every time we snuggle I try to hold on to the moment because it is so so sweet and I know I'm lucky to have such a cuddly toddler, and who knows how #2 will be? She loves to play with her blocks, she loves to color, she loves her "babies" and her toys. She is so funny, when I'm having her "help" put her toys away, she goes and gets one of her 'babies' or stuffed animals and pretends like they are picking up the toy and putting it away. She has also been doing all of the other normal stuff (feeding them, rocking them, hugging and kissing them, and taking them for walks, etc...) for probably almost a year, but making them clean up is a new development. I can't believe she is almost 2!!! It's so crazy to me.
As for me.. I'm the boring part. I've been up to a bunch of crafting, sleeping when I can (sheesh this baby has made me tired!) reading, trying to get Sam to stop hitting (any ideas??) aaand a bunch of other boring stay at home mom stuff, haha.

Life has been good, we've been enjoying it!

Pregnancy, then and Now

This is just a comparison post of my 2 pregnancies

I'm feeling like I'm having a boy this time. Because pregnancy is not quite as bad as last time! Good, good!
--Last time I had morning (I mean 24/7) sickness the WHOLE entire time. Yeah, that was the bomb. This time I had morning (I mean 20/7) sickness only the first 15ish weeks.. Not bad, huh?! I still get pretty sick an afternoon/evening or 2 a week, but it's soooo much better than all day every day!
--Last time I was lightheaded pretty much the whole time from the 2nd trimester on and had really low blood pressure. Unfortunately, that's the same this time around also. It's a strange light headedness though. It's not getting up from sitting or laying and feeling dizzy I'm talking about. It's being unable to stand in one place for more than a minute or 2 without feeling the world grow distant and have everything swirl.
--Last time I didn't feel the baby kicking until 21ish weeks!!! Which is fairly normal for a first pregnancy, but this time I felt little 'herm' one day before I reached 17 weeks. Little 'herm' gave me some very persistent kicks that evening! I felt 'herm' on and off for the next 2 weeks, and it's only been the last 4 days or so that I've felt herm on a regular basis.
--Last time I had some round ligament and stretching pain that I thought was pretty bad. My friend Katrina had told me how much worse it was for her the second time around and BOY was she right!! It's been a lot worse this time than last!
--Last time I had a hard time being in control of my emotions. I still struggle, but I think I'm doing a lot better this time than last. Mostly exciting things make me cry... You know, like when Mockingjay came out, and when I saw the first preview for Harry Potter 7..lol no joke. Mostly it's exciting things that bring tears to my eyes, haha!

--My hair was all silky and shiny and my complexion got a little clearer last time.. This time my hair seems the same, but my face... ewwww can you say breakout city?!?!

--RLS- (restless leg syndrome) booo. Last time I had it about 4-6 nights a week and wouldn't be able to sleep, my leg(s) would just be flying all over the place tap tap tapping away. This time I've had it here and there, but whenever it's bad, a good leg rub from Jacob definitely keeps it from being too much (lets hope it stays this way!!)

--My excitement is different this time. Last time as soon as I made my ultrasound appt, I started counting down the days. on any given day I could give you the amount of weeks, days and probably hours until we found out what we were having. This time- well it's next week and I've rescheduled the appt 3 times now! Not that I'm not excited, because I am VERY excited. It's just different. The anticipation isn't killing me like it was last time. But I am excited to see :) Also just other things. I get excited to go to my appointments just because it means I have something to DO that day outside the house. I don't get excited to see how big I'm measuring or see how fast the heart beat is, etc.

My brain feels fried from writing, I'm going to add more to this post later...


We went up to Idaho for Labor Day weekend and had a TON of fun!

We drove up Friday night and didn't have to come back until Tuesday morning, because Jacob didn't have school til 4!

Sam decided she wantede to find out how her feet taste on the way there. Apparently they aren't too bad, cause she kept doing this!

Saturday was a FUN day! We were headed off to these beauties: (for those who don't know-- the Tetons)

We went up to Jackson Hole and a little past to Jenny Lake and hiked around to Hidden Falls! (about a 2ish mile hike 1 way) and took the boat back because it was late and we were all starved for dinner, (ok fine, and the prego lady was a bit tired! :))

Here's some pics from our beautiful hike:
I know I look scary, but check out my little brother! He just got back from his mission in May.. know anyone that wants his number? He's really shy :)

once again, scary pic of me, but look how cute my fam is!

Poor Ty stuck carrying Sam.. she is OBSESSED with the camelbacks and sucks on them ALL day. At this point, she was forcing Ty to drink some. Silly girl.


We saw a baby moose on our hike!!

Ok, I realize most people don't appreciate the nature pictures, but for those who do, isn't it so pretty?!

at the falls

After our hike we went back to Jackson and then wandered around and played tourists (it was Jacob's first time there)

Little Cowgirl!
Token Jackson Hole picture under one of the antler arches.. haha!

I WISH I had taken a picture of it, but in one of the stores they had a real T-Rex skull for sale! Apparently it is the only one for sale in the entire world! I wish I had taken a picture of the price tag-- they wanted a whopping $325,000.00 for it! That's the price of a nice house!!!

On Monday we went up to pick some scrumptious huckleberries. MMMM It was fun just being outside in the woods hanging out. We ended up getting a good amount of berries. Afterwards we had a fire and roasted hot dogs and marshmallows!

Sam doesn't have pants on in this pic. It was SO cold up in the mountains, and on our way back, she peed through her diaper (like I said, obsessed with the camelbacks) and her pants were soaked. We were hanging out in the truck while I dried her pants on the heater...

Ariel's Wedding


Ariel and Don cuttin the cake

Helen and I! Helen is one of my favorite people in Ridgecrest!

Decorating their car! Full of balloons, windows in window paint, almost 600+ sticky notes, streamers (came later) cans under the tail thing, AND...

A nice aquarium in the trunk! Nice, eh??? Click the lower one to enlarge and see the fishies

Yeah, we're amazing. While we were brainstorming, Jacob came up with the brilliant plan, but was kidding. Silly boy KNOWS what happens if he suggests a grandiose idea around me , even if he is kidding!

These next pics are just some of Sam dancing. She danced probably an hour straight! She has loved dancing around since she was crawling. Anyway, here are some I liked

Dancin with all the boys

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Breastfeeding woes

This is going to be a long post. This is mostly just me talking about my past experience, for myself, trying to figure out how I feel, haha. It would upset me too much to write about it when it happened, so I never really posted about it until now. I realize most people won't read this.

I am absolutely PETRIFIED of breastfeeding again. It was very traumatic both physically and emotionally for me last time, and I'm trying to decide if I even want to try again. (More because of the emotional) In 5 months or less little #2 will be joining our family. I had a really hard time breastfeeding with Samantha. I know a lot of people struggle, and I'm definitely not saying mine was any worse- you can't truly know how someone experienced something. period.
Anyway, little Sam came out of the womb healthy as can be, and everyone left and I got to breastfeed. All I really knew about it was it was supposed to hurt, but the hurt would go away. I also knew a few other small details about the process, but I'll leave those out of this very public blog ;) I was exhausted, but she seemingly ate just fine. As the stay in the hospital went on, I requested help, because I was positive it wasn't supposed to hurt THAT bad. They said she had a really bad latch, and showed me how to work on that with her. So I did.

When we got home from the hospital, things pretty much kept getting worse, the following days. I started bleeding horribly, I was sooooo cracked and chapped and I was all frayed looking. I've never had chapped hands, lips ANYTHING even 1/100 as bad as it was. I started taking my percocet based on when I was nursing, (and I had some nasty pain down there- it just wasn't as bad as breastfeeding). I also developed some nasty mastitis. yay. After a few days I'd had enough and went to a lactation consultant. The lactation consultant took one look at me and told me I needed to stop breastfeeding and allow myself to heal. (I've had people tell me this is strange, that a lactation consultant won't tell you to stop. I'm telling you- she TOLD me to STOP, she said I HAD to heal). She gave me a few prescription creams and balms and told me to come back in 2 weeks and we'd see how I looked. I rented a pump and my new life became pumping for 20-30 minutes, feeding for 20 minutes, 1 hour break. Lets just say that got old fast, haha. I had a hard time keeping up with how much she was eating, even though I pumped an extra 10 minutes after I'd gotten all the milk, trying to get a little extra production. Honestly, looking back, I was a little too fixated on losing my baby weight and wasn't eating nearly enough.

So 2 weeks later I went back to the lactation consultant and she said I might need a little longer to heal (yes, they were THAT bad) , but that I should be okay if I was really careful. So we tried to get Samantha back on. It was painful, and Samantha still had a terrible latch. She also hated it. She screamed and hollered and was SOO mad. She had grown used to the bottle, and the speed of the bottle, and wanted nothing to do with nursing. The lactation consultant tried to help me, she said I could do it, but I left feeling discouraged. I tried another day or 2, but Samantha still wanted NOTHING to do with nursing, she wanted her bottle. I was crushed. I gave up and decided to just pump for her til my milk ran out (that ended up being about 2 months). I cried all the time and was so depressed for more than a month. I felt like a failure. I finally snapped out of it, and realized I wasn't doing anyone any good by moping about it, especially since there wasn't anything I could do about it. For about 6 months I still felt like everyone was watching me in church when I went in to the bathroom to make a bottle instead of into the mothers room to nurse. I felt like they were judging me, and shaking their heads at me. And maybe some of them were. But then I decided who cares? I'm sure there were some who weren't, and some who were, but it doesn't really matter, does it? Also, Samantha was FINE. When she turned a year old I realized something... there is NOTHING wrong with her compared to other kids who were nursed a full year. (imagine that?!) AND she didn't even get sick until she was 11 months old! I know plenty of nursed babies that got sick 3 or 4 times during their first 12 months. (I'm not in any way saying that breast isn't best, I'm just saying, unnursed babies are actually okay, and not diseased, haha)

Now that we're about to have another one, I 'm trying to decide what I want to do. I think I've decided on a few things, but not for sure. I think I've pretty much decided that if #2 has a bad latch like Samantha, that's that, it's a done deal. I think I'm just going to see how things go, and take it from there. I don't want to fully invest myself and be as crushed and devastated as last time, but at the same time, I do want to try. So I think I'll just see what happens. BUT I think I'll probably end up pumping for a month or 2, depending when #2 is born, (I have like a 70%+ chance of getting cholestasis again, which means induction at 37 weeks) basically I'd like to pump til the end of February, and get #2 through the winter months.

I'd like to add that if you have an opinion that could possibly make me feel bad, keep it to yourself, I have definitely felt enough guilt about this whole thing, and don't need anymore :)